Wait

A lot of things happened together, I could not breathe for exactly 1 minute and 12 seconds, life blurred and then I had that familiar feeling of pain. Heart Break to be precise. Is it possible to have the same feeling again ever? I didn’t know till today. I had thought that the part where you say that this is over and done with actually means that much. Apparently it does not. These moments come back to haunt you, to remind you that you too are capable of feeling the same pain. Okay, let me rephrase that you are “Still” capable of feeling the same kind of pain. That it is not over yet. That it will remain for a while still. That while everything else may melt away and you may not remember it, pain will stay with you. Just as real and sharp as the day when you got it the first time.

Somewhere along the line I lost it. The idea that you could be whole ever again, but then I had also lost the realization that it is important to be a certain whole being. I thought it was okay that you could be this half being; this half walking talking and crying person or thing and that was enough and okay. That you could perhaps make do with it. But apparently not. It isn’t enough to be the wronged one. It isn’t even enough to be the wronged one and seek revenge. I sought revenge, went after it with all that I had in me. Love pushes you over they say, it begins that change in you which lets you blossom and bloom. They don’t know that love can turn you vicious. That it can kill and mutilate and that it hurts you more than you can hurt the other person. It was much too late by the time I knew how it was going to be. To late to make amends. To late to undo. To late to realize that love couldn’t conquer all. That it will haunt you for the rest of your life. Whatever life I have lived till date.

“does love exist?”

“…. Perhaps for you it does”