Just Me

They say I should go out more often, put my profile back up again on networking websites, go to parties and meet men. I would find that someone I so desperately seek.
The truth is I am scared to do that. I am scared of doing that failing, like I have before. I am not pretty or muscled or look the way guys who get dates do. I am average and have been okay with the whole fact. What I am not okay with is the loneliness which comes along with it.

I have friends, those who call sometimes to talk about problems which affect them or things which bother them or address or phone numbers which they need. No ever calls to just ask how I am doing. To ask me if I, the me is okay. They all see my face, the calm composed and very rational and precise guy and stop right there.

He should be fine, he is not crying, he is not lamenting or is laughing. The truth is am alone. More alone than I have ever been in my life. I live two lives, one which everyone wants to see and the other I live when am not laughing or talking with others. I wonder what is the point of it, having any of thes people on my phonebook, on my messengers, on my facebook, on my outlook.

I run to escape my life everyday. And then realise that I can't so fail.
And fall.
Everday.