Safe Trip Home

It's been months that I wrote something.

For the longest time I have not had the urge to write. Though in these past few months I have written, got some of the biggest achievements of my career in publishing, but they were all written for someone else, by someone else, it wasn't me writing for myself.

But tonight, sitting wide awake on this cold December night, am writing for myself. After a very longtime. The words have come and they want to pour write out of me. I don't know what am writing or if I will make sense, but then how could you make sense of something which is so close to you in extreme close-up, so close that it is out of focus-you can only see the blurred big mass of color. The edges are all soft and rounded off.

In the coming few months I am going to face the biggest challenge of my life so far. The challenge to believe and take a leap of faith. Once again. I don't know if I will be able to, if it will work, if what am thinking of doing is right, if this is it, if finally am ready or if it is time.

But after a very longtime I have an ache in my bones, I have an unsettled feeling in my gut and feel the urge to just let go. I have over the past several years, so carefully preserved myself that I have mostly been afraid of getting a chink in my armor(-if it is or was an armor to begin with) and now suddenly I want to leave it behind and feel lighter and feel the wind in my hair. Is it right?

I can't remember when was the last time I felt the same. Actually I do, it was a few years ago, I did what I had to and it turned my life around -for the better and for the worse. Though in hindsight it did work itself out, everything does they say. I saw it working out too, I changed myself-hopefully for the better.

I think am ready.